The Language of Age

May 21, 2009 3 Comments by maya

I normally wouldn’t, but I recently became 30 and I could relate. This is one of those things you can’t be reminded of enough, and at some point you start enjoying it as if it was the first time you heard it…

George Carlin’s Views on Aging when he was 102:

Couple very close to eachotherDo you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

‘How old are you?’ ‘I’m four and a half!’ You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key.

You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

‘How old are you?’ ‘I’m gonna be 16!’ You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life … . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You GET INTO your 80’s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there Into the 90s, you start going backwards; ‘I JUST WAS 92.’

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. ‘I’m 100 and a half!’

Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay ‘them’.

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!

3 Comments

  1. Eli Katz
    9 years ago

    amazing post, witty and interesting.
    of course it’s a cultural thing. in some places growing old makes you honorable, people treat you with respect. and so will the language.
    in other places, they are waiting for you to die and leave your assets behind. the language will reflect that also.

  2. Or Tal
    9 years ago

    Great post! I wonder about it working in English only. I’ll check options in Hebrew. By the way, after I skipped 39 and rounded it to 40, I discovered I am actually getting younger by the minute…
    http://ortals.wordpress.com/2008/05/21/getting-younger-by-the-minute/

  3. alik
    8 years ago

    I’m 69 and 9 month and I’m gonna be 70 on November, Haleluja!

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